


Walk Away

by quicksilverdeancas (quicksilvermalec)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Castiel Deserves Better (Supernatural), Castiel Deserves to be Loved (Supernatural), Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Dean Winchester... unfortunately does not love Castiel, Hurt No Comfort, I APOLOGIZE, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I am so sorry, I hate myself, I need to not have keysmashes as tags, I wrote a poem, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Going to Hell, I'm not sorry, Misery, OH NOW I'M SORRY, Other, Quote: Family Don't End With Blood (Supernatural), Shit is going down, Stop Hurting Cas 2k19, Unrequited Love, and that's about it, but life does, let's bring that back, so ENJOY THIS MOTHERFUCKERS, that's how this goes, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 12:55:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20930576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksilvermalec/pseuds/quicksilverdeancas
Summary: Cas is trying to protect himself. He's spent all these years trying to protect Dean (and Sam, but... y'know. Dean), and he finally needs to learn how to protect himself.It just ended up being more painful than he'd hoped, that's all.[I don't know why this summary is 3rd Person limited from Cas' POV - the entire fic is Dean's point of view. Sorry.]orIn which all the Antis are correct, just for the sake of angst, and Dean Winchester really is a terrible toxic person. (Okay, so there might be a little bit of projection in here... if you really want to know who I'm projecting onto and why, comment and ask.)





	Walk Away

**Author's Note:**

  * For [writingisntapastime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingisntapastime/gifts), [Clearfear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clearfear/gifts).

> I wish I had an explanation for this. I'm so sorry.
> 
> Enjoy...?

_Walk away, my love  
Walk away from me  
Walk away, my love  
So we may both be free_

_Walk away, my darling  
You do not need to stay  
Walk away, my darling  
Please, just walk away_

_Walk away, my cowboy  
My hero in disguise  
Walk away forever, love  
Close and shield your eyes_

_Walk away, my love  
So I may do the same  
Walk away, my love  
And let us stop this game_

_I didn’t want to hurt you  
But this is all we have_

_I have no other choice_

_I love you_

\--

“You do know about all the alternate universes, right?” Castiel asked.

Dean looked up. He was sitting at a table reading a thick, dust-covered tome. “What, you mean, like, Bizarro-Earth where we were actors and our life was a TV show?”

“Yes, like that. For example.” Cas shifted uncomfortably. “Well, there are more. There are universes where Sam is your sister. There are universes where you and I are a lesbian couple. There are universes where you are the only woman. There are several universes where we are ‘Jensen’, ‘Jared’, and ‘Misha’. There are universes where-”

“Hang on, did you say a _lesbian _couple?” Dean demanded. “As in, we’re chicks. And we’re also banging?”

“Yes. Anyway, there are universes where the supernatural does not exist and we are all normal human beings. There is one in particular in which you are a car mechanic – you still never finished high school, I’m sorry to say, but you do have a GED – and Sam is in pre-law and I’m a linguistics major, both at Kansas state. The three of us are inseparable, and our brothers are deeply in love in that universe. That is to say, your brother and my brother Gabriel. There are an infinite number of universes in which your mother never died and your father raised you lovingly. There are also an infinite number of universes where you never met me, or one of us died before we had the chance to meet. There are four universes in which you never returned from Hell, as well as two in which you never returned from Purgatory. In more than half of these universes, you and I are in a sexual relationship. In several of those, our relationship is romantic as well. And there are only two things that carry over from every single universe to every other.”

“What’s that?” Dean asked, trying to be deadpan but most likely giving away his intense curiosity and equally intense fear at what he was about to hear.

Castiel leaned forward, and his expression was no longer blank or effortless or unattached or emotionless or carefully distant. It was aggressive and laced with a sad, almost palpable hurt. “You will never love me, Dean. And I will never love anyone else.”

Dean’s jaw hung open. He didn’t know what to say to that. “You- wait, you _love _me? How in the _fuck-_”

“I know, I was surprised too,” Cas replied, and the detachment was back on his face and a cold edge had creeped into his voice. “But you know what else is consistent throughout every reality in which we know each other?” Dean shook his head. “Never, in any timeline, have I even considered walking away.”

“Wha-” Dean made a strangled, choking sound, and he didn’t know what it meant, but neither, it seemed, did Cas. Cas ignored it, though, and plowed straight through to his next set of statements.

“You have lied to me. Manipulated me, insulted me, attacked me. Betrayed me, hurt me, ignored me when I needed you the most. You have never treated me like an equal, in all the time that I have known you. You prioritize your brother over me and I cannot fault you for that because he is your brother, but I ask you to recognize that that is painful and unhealthy for me, because you are first in my mind always. You are the most important thing to me, and he is the most important thing to you. You must see what kind of a position that puts me in. You blame me for so many things that are and were not my fault. You call upon me only when you need help and refuse to lend me aid when I need it from you. You insult me. You tell me that I’m family, but you never treat me like it. So tell me, Dean, and I really a part of your family? Do I really matter to you as much as you claim?”

Dean stared at the middle of his forehead so as to avoid looking at his eyes, then blinked slowly, then looked down at the table where his book lay, open and abandoned. He looked back up at his friend and saw that he’d taken a step away from him, as though he was physically disgusted by his existence.

“I thought not.” Cas turned away, then stopped and sighed before turning back. “Dean, you must know that if you were dying, I would tear Jimmy Novak’s heart out of his chest to give it to you. I wouldn’t even hesitate. You must know I would sacrifice everything that I have, all of the things in my existence that I have always valued above all else, for you in a heartbeat, without a regret or a second thought. You _must know_ that you are the only person in the world who could make me rebel against Heaven, who could make me fight my brothers so, who could make me turn against my own kind and join forces with humans.” He paused for a long moment, staring at Dean calculatingly.

“I think you do know,” he murmured, so quiet Dean almost had to strain to hear him. “I think that you know all of those things, that you have known them almost as long as I have, and that you _exploit _them at every opportunity. I think that you know, and you just don’t care. And that makes me so irrationally angry, you may never understand. I think that you do not care about me beyond what I can do for you, beyond how I am capable of helping you and your brother. And I am done with all of it. I am sick and fucking tired of being your pet, Dean Winchester. I am an angel, and I do not answer to humans, and I _most certainly do not answer to you_.” He bristled slightly before seeming to force himself to relax. “Find yourself a new resident angel.”

There was a quiet brush of feathers, and Castiel disappeared. Dean sat there, staring at him, wondering what the hell just happened, and wishing he had someone he could blame.

But in the end, all of this was his own fault.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what to do with that. 
> 
> I owe y'all a huge fucking apology, but I keep seeing all these Anti-Destiel and Castiel-stan blogs on tumblr posting shit about how Dean is a toxic asshole and Cas deserves better and it's really really unhealthy for Cas to stay. It gave me an angsty idea.
> 
> I'm sorry...
> 
> Love,  
-Fake Dean (should I start calling myself Jensen? no? okay copy that)


End file.
